


Nothing Feels Right

by minyoongurt



Series: Riordanverse Drabbles & Oneshots [20]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan, The Trials of Apollo - Rick Riordan
Genre: Accidental Almost Breakup, Crying, Gender Issues, Genderfluid, Genderfluid Nico di Angelo, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Trans Male Character, Trans Will Solace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 14:13:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28583313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minyoongurt/pseuds/minyoongurt
Summary: Nico is struggling with his gender identity. He doesn’t mean to take it out on Will, he really doesn’t. He’s lucky his boyfriend is extremely supportive and up to date on modern identity terms.
Relationships: Nico di Angelo/Will Solace
Series: Riordanverse Drabbles & Oneshots [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1854148
Comments: 4
Kudos: 122





	Nothing Feels Right

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this really quick, I’m sorry if there’s any typos.
> 
> This is lowkey me projecting onto Nico
> 
> *characters belong to Rick Riordan*

A boy? Yeah, he was a boy. 

But, he didn’t always _feel_ like a boy. Sometimes hearing the word _boyfriend_ or _brother_ or even people using his pronouns felt wrong. 

He wasn’t a girl though, he knew that. He didn’t feel like a girl. 

Although, what did that mean? He had to be a boy, since he wasn’t a girl. Right? Yeah, that made sense. 

Will knew he wasn’t a girl at a young age, so he was a boy. Nico was a boy, not a girl, no matter how weird that felt. He was a boy, he had to be, that’s all he had to choose from. 

Nico fell back against his bed, _his_ bed, and stared at the ceiling. He ignored the burning behind his eyes. He was beyond frustrated. He didn’t know why everything felt so wrong, it just did. Yesterday he felt fine. He didn’t mind the fit of his jeans, or how his Ramones t-shirt showed off his arms. Today, he wanted to curl up in his baggy pajama pants and one of Will’s extra-large hoodies and never show his face again. 

His _stupid_ face. His jaw was too prominent, his lips were too round, his eyebrows were too bushy and masculine, his eyelashes were too long and feminine. Everything was wrong. 

He tugged on his t-shirt with a groan, then rolled over to press his face against his pillow. He threw his arm over a stuffed duck that Will had given him for his previous birthday. 

Nico didn’t know how long he had laid there, trying to will himself to get up and possibly go get some food, it must be lunch time at this point. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t bear to get up and face the world. He couldn’t bear to hear people call him a boy, not today. 

It was a knock on his cabin door that reminded him that- oh yeah, he had people at camp who would come looking for him. 

He barely lifted his head from his pillow. “Who is it?” He called, internally cringing at the scratchiness of his voice. 

“It’s Luke Skywalker.” Came a voice from the other side of the door. 

Nico rolled his eyes and squeezed the stuffed duck against his chest. “Come in.” 

The door of cabin thirteen creaked open and in stepped the most handsome person Nico had ever seen. The ghost of a smile curled on his lips at the sight of the blonde. 

“I let you skip breakfast, but I won’t let you skip lunch.” Will said, closing the door behind him. He shuffled over to the king-sized bed and crawled on. “What’s up, buttercup? What’s with the gloomy look?” He asked, patting Nico’s knee. 

Nico shrugged, rolling back over to hide most of his face again. He sighed, giving the duck a final squeeze before letting it go. He curled his arms around his head. 

He felt Will move closer, the blonde’s hand sliding up his leg and over his waist. He reached down to shove Will’s hand off of him. He knew the son of Apollo meant nothing sleazy by it, it was an innocent touch, but he was not in the mood. He heard Will sigh, before feeling him lay down. 

“What’s wrong, my love?” Will whispered, this time keeping his hands to himself. 

Nico shrugged, keeping his back to his boyfriend. He picked at the skin on his lips, the burning behind his eyes intensifying. He couldn’t cry, not around Will, not over something as stupid as this. 

“Neeks, c’mon, we’re boyfriends.”

That’s what made Nico snap. 

“I’m not your boyfriend!” He all but shouted, sitting up and turning to face Will. 

“What?” The blonde sat up slowly, his brows pinched together. “Nico- I- _what_?” 

“I’m not-“ he heaved in a breath. “I’m not your boyfriend!”

Will’s expression crumbled. He shook his head slowly, scooting to the edge of the bed. He stared blankly at the comforter before getting up. He nodded slowly. 

“This is a shitty way to break up with someone but-“

“What?” Nico’s voice broke. 

“You could have told me if you didn’t want to be with me anymore. I would have understood.” Will nodded, brushing his fingers through his hair. 

Nico shook his head quickly. He crawled across the bed, grabbing Will’s wrist. “That’s not- That’s not what I meant!” He said quickly, his tears finally tumbling down his cheeks. “I- I don’t feel like a _boy_ ! I just- I- I can’t hear you call me your boyfriend when I know I don’t _feel_ like a _boy_.”

The healer’s eyes softened. “Oh... _oh, Nico_.” Will whispered, kneeling on the bed and wrapping his arms around the ravenette. 

Nico wrapped his arms around Will’s torso, his hands twisting into the blonde’s orange camp shirt. His body trembled with silent sobs. 

“Honey, Sweetheart,” Will sighed, rocking the small child of Hades back and forth. “It’s okay, that’s alright. You don’t have to feel like a boy, it’s okay. I don’t love you any less.” He whispered, pressing a long kiss to Nico’s forehead. “What do you feel like? If you don’t mind me asking. Do you feel like a girl?”

“No! I don’t know what I feel like! I just- I just- I don’t know!” Nico sobbed, his grip on Will tightening. “I just, I sometimes feel like a boy, but today I Don’t! I hate days where I don’t know!” 

Will shushed Nico softly, rubbing up and down the shorter’s back. “It’s okay not to know, it’s really okay.” He whispered. “You could be genderfluid.”

Nico sniffled, wiping his face with his hands. “What’s that…?” He croaked. 

“You don’t-“ Will paused, reconsidering his words. Of course Nico didn’t know what genderfluid meant, he was born back in the 30s. “Okay, you know how I’m trans?”

Nico nodded. “Mhm.” He croaked. 

“Well, it’s kind of like a subunit of that, but instead of having one set gender, you fluctuate. Sometimes you can be a boy, sometimes you can be nonbinary, sometimes you can be a girl, you can be whatever you want! From my understanding it just depends on the day or your mood or- I don’t know, anything like that.” Will explained to the best of his ability. He wasn’t genderfluid himself, but he had a sibling who was and that’s how it had been explained to him. 

The child of Hades sniffled again, leaning his ear against Will’s chest. “What’s non- nonbinary?” He hiccuped. 

The blonde pursed his lips. “It’s kind of like- like not fitting in with what we as a society consider “binary”. Usually people who identify as enby use They/Them pronouns.” 

Nico’s brows furrowed in thought. 

_They. Them. Theirs._

That...That felt okay. That felt good. 

_Nico di Angelo, They/Them_. 

“I like that.” They whispered, staring down at their lap. 

“Yeah?” Will pressed his lips against the top of Nico’s head and gave them a small squeeze. “Of course you don’t have to label it, that’s totally okay. How about-“ He shifted a bit, since his legs were starting to go numb under Nico’s weight. “How about every morning whenever we see each other, you tell me what your pronouns are, so I don’t misgender you by accident?” 

Nico nodded, pulling the hem of their shirt up to rub their remaining tears away. They scooted off of Will’s lap and settled down on their bed. 

“What am I to you then? If I’m not your boyfriend.” The child of Hades asked softly, taking one of Will’s hands and beginning to play with his fingers. 

Will hummed softly in thought. “Well, you could be my significant other.” He suggested, staring down at where Nico was playing with his fingers. “Or you could be my joyfriend.” He giggled quietly. 

Nico’s nose scrunched up. “I like significant other.” They said softly, lacing their fingers with Will’s. “I…” They sighed. “Thank you, for being so nice.” 

The blonde smiled, wrapping Nico in a hug and guiding them both down against the mattress. He tucked a lock of hair behind Nico’s ear. He kissed his partner’s cheek. 

“You don’t have to thank me, Sunshine. I’m yours and you are mine, I’ll always accept you. You could...I don’t know, be a dragon, and I would still love you!” Will giggled. 

Nico’s face cracked into a wide smile. They rolled onto their side to face Will properly. “A dragon?”

“Yeah! A dragon!” 

The child of Hades snorted. “You are so strange.”

“But you love me.” Will stretched his arms up and turned his head to face Nico. 

“I do.” The ravenette nodded. “I love you a lot.”

“And I love you too, Nico di Angelo.”

**Author's Note:**

> I’m open for requests!
> 
> Tumblr: @blueblackslowtown  
> Twt: @slowtownrants  
> IG: @mochiduckling


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